61 & hot af

Image description: I am making a silly face. There's an LOL emoticon in the corner. Text in red: 61 and hot af.

From the early aughts until 2022, I had sexual escapades and flings with a lot of men. Some of these men became lifelong friends, many were one time flings and one I married.

Charles and I are compatible in every way. It still surprises me every day that we continue to love each other and each others company so much. We share the belief that love is infinite.

I figured out that my attraction and interest in people was not based on gender only in my late 50s. I fall in love and lust based on physical attributes, intelligence, their drive to make art, their care, their voice…the list goes on.

Since 2022 I have not bothered to pursue sexual activity with anyone but myself and Charles. It wasn't a conscious choice. I had decided about a decade ago to avoid sexual intimacy with people in the literary community based on a worry that my role as editor and mentor could cause non consensual power dynamics.

I used to find compatible sexual partners through apps or sites like FetLife. But men there became dull to me. They wanted only to satisfy their sexual bucket lists and treated my age as a fetish. I am so much more than my age or a particular act. I found it mind crushingly boring.

I have never really understood why friendships had to be platonic but I have respected friends’ monogamy and orientations. To me physical intimacy is just another activity to enjoy one another's company and to give pleasure and show affection.

While I have respect for sex workers, I've never understood some of the other transactional sexual motivations: sex for validation, procreation, monogamy, financial security, status. Other than Charles I've rarely found other sexual partners who didn't treat sex as a transaction.

I realized only recently that I didn't miss having to go through the tedious and fruitless attempts to find compatible sexual partners. That I am finding a lot of satisfaction in platonic friendships.

When sex is off the table as a possibility, I don't have to feel rejected when someone I am attracted to doesn't see me that way. It's very freeing.

At 61 I am the best physical and mental shape of my life. I am hot as fuck. I am going to be a silver hot crone. My libido is still strong. I doubt that will ever change. However it is freeing to no longer feel the need to find physical connection with others. To set it aside. To let other aspects of my life take presidence.

I will always be available to listen to friends going through relationship issues or wanting to have conversations about sex. I am still a kinky and intelligent woman well versed in the proclivities of pleasure.

It still bothers me that we live in a puritanical society. I want a world where sexuality is celebrated. Where being queer is safe. Where being a woman is safe. That is not this world but I will do my part to provide safety and celebrate those who practice consensual sexual activity.

The big thing is that I won't be seeking sex with others. I'm done with that part of my life. Phew.

I love the way we can continue to learn things about ourselves as we grow, don't you?