Covid, regrets, frets, anxieties

Charles tested positive for Covid on Saturday. A week earlier he started to have some breathing issues. We assumed it was his allergies, because that is what usually happens at this time of year. But on Friday night we both started to get sore throats and sinus headaches. He felt very tired. We tested on Saturday. He tested positive. I tested negative. We are assuming I have it too. We are cocooning at home. It's probably too late for Paxlovid. We'll try to call doctor today.

The symptoms seem relatively mild. Charles has a slight cough and is flemmy. My brain is not as sharp. Ginger tea is helping with the sinus pain and sore throats.

Covid is in the community. We've been going out fairly often and gotten sloppy about wearing masks.

I worry. About so many things. I tested positive for Covid last November. It was just before Charles’ layoff. No long covid then . I had paxlovid. But who knows what will happen now?

The laundry is piling up. We can't go down to the communal laundry room.

We're still cooking our regular meals and while we're enjoying them, it's a little challenging to cook. A little wearying to clean up. We can't afford to waste food.

We are binge watching old TV shows. I can't do my fitness class. We can't go out at all. I have a long to do list and can't do any of it now. I'm reading ebooks from the library.

I am full of worry. Charles temperature has stayed below 38, so far. Thankfully. I don't have a fever either.

We were busy, joyous and active. Now we're stopped in our tracks. Still. I don't know what is going to happen.

I feel stupid for not being more careful. Last covid vaccination was at end of October.

Life is unpredictable. You start to enjoy it and then whack. Ugh. I'm not being clear here.

I see the occasional person at readings wearing masks. Why did I stop? I was having coffee or a beer. Didn't want to keep putting on and taking it off.

I got careless. It feels weird being the only one in the room with a mask. Now I feel like avoiding all groups. All events..I'll have to until we both test negative anyway.

In the summer of 22, an in person open mic began. I didn't go to the first one, but I was full of yearning. So I started to go. I was one of the few wearing masks. I kept going. It was wonderful. So enriching. So great to hear poetry and to be with friends again.

Then other in person events started to happen. I returned full force. This year I began to slip up in wearing the mask. It's been 4 years of navigating this pandemic, of trying to do what's best.

This pandemic is still here. No matter that everyone calls this time “post pandemic.” My woozy head is full of should haves. I call myself a fool.

What if our mild symptoms get worse? What if we get long Covid? What if…what if…what if. My brain hurts with all these what ifs.

Today is Monday. I had plans this week. Good plans. Now they are over. I won't be seeing Heather O'Neill at the Ottawa International Writers Festival event. I won't be doing the Senior Ravens open house at Carleton where I would have socialized with my former fitness instructor and fellow Ravens. I won't be having coffee with a friend. Charles and I won't be going out on our daily quests or having coffee at our favourite cafes. It sucks.

That's it.