fits and starts
Image description: a pink peony bud about to bloom
May is a beautiful month, fragrant and colourful with fresh blooms, the scent of green fulfilling a need inside me for newness. In the winter, I worked hard, managed to eke out enough money to cover several months’ rent and weeks of meals.
I’ve already written my post about waiting, so I won’t dwell on all the things I am waiting for again. Things come in fits and starts [rabbithole alert]. My brain is full of all that I have to wait for and I am not able to work on the thorny review or the novel in progress. I did manage to edit and submit a few more poems from the Economy Blues, a work in progress. Earlier in the month, I had an editing gig too; although I am still waiting for the cheque to arrive.
Our fridge is going wonky. Tomorrow the super of our building will replace it. The last one died 7 years ago and the one before that lasted 13 years. We are fortunate that all we have to do is get a work order and broken down appliances are replaced quickly. We will have to move stuff from the old to the new fridge, that’s the extent of the upheaval. It’s a wee bit of upheaval though. We recently used some money to buy a small upright freezer, and it’s a good thing we did. From the freezer in our fridge, we managed to lose only half a pack of shrimp, with a loss of only a few dollars.
The regular things are happening: my phototherapy three days a week, my fitness regime three times a week, grocery shopping, meal preparation, working on Bywords.ca when the deadlines are upon me, attending the Art House Cafe open mic once every few weeks and every day with my darling husband. I have a lot to be grateful for. My health is behaving for now, no visits to ER (cross your fingers and toes that I won’t need to go), Charles is in good health. We have food and shelter. We have each other. The world is going through hell, so our small uncertain moments and a future that isn’t entirely clear…that is small potatoes, i realize.
It just seems like right now it is much harder to make even the smallest amounts of money. It is difficult to get things accomplished.
From December 2023 to now, I have applied for 28 jobs, sent out 51 queries, pitches and applications for writing-related activities. I have had ten clients for my editing service. I have worked damn hard. I’m tired and things seem fruitless in this moment.
One of the reasons why I like running my own stuff is because I am the only one I have to wait for. I respect that others have their own issues and priorities, but here I sit, waiting for things to start, and waiting for payment so I can earn a few more months’ rent. I have to figure out how to hustle, how to find more ways to make money. All i want to do these days is hang out with the lilacs and drink coffee with Charles on a cafe patio.
If you know of any opportunities for a writer going through financial difficulties, please get in touch…
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