Let's talk about sex

oh right, i'm supposed to find this awkward

I am open about sex. I wrote erotic fiction for over a decade. I include my sexual life, real and imagined in my creative work. I have always believed that sex is not something to be ashamed of, but celebrated and honoured. So when the opportunity comes up to chat about sex, I enjoy doing so. I don’t ever want to impose the subject on those who do not want to discuss it. When someone wishes to talk about it, I’m happy to do so. I love to learn about what people enjoy, what issues they have. I celebrate their joys and commiserate over the stuff that goes wrong, the bad relationships, the harm that can be caused by nonconsensual sex. I am open about my own experiences with childhood abuse.

I’m polyamorous and realized I wasn’t straight a few years back. I define polyamory as shared intimacy where the intimacy can be various types of interactions, which sounds vague, but what I’m trying to say is that my consideration of intimacy is not limited to sexual activity.

One of my friends recently described me as the most debauched person he knows, which was such a great compliment, and he meant it as such. So yes, you can talk to me about pegging, deep throating, anal sex, sensation play, impact play, cunnilingus, fellatio, reverse cowgirl positions. i’m here for all of it.

I will also willingly disclose my experiences, my proclivities and my limits.

These days I engage in physical sexual activities only with two people: myself and my husband, but admittedly my bedroom used to have a revolving door. My relationships with everyone else these days does not include sexual activity in the form of physical acts. But we can still talk about it.

I used to play around on Fetlife and Snapchat too, sharing my naked photos with strangers and that was fun, but I don’t have time for that anymore.

My idea of a good time in bed with a new lover was to enjoy the foreplay of slow conversation over a meal. When we finally ended up in bed, I would have a playlist of great music for sex. Such as

I liked to be naked with people and just enjoy each other’s company playfully without anything too serious going on unless that happened, a quickening, the excitement of lovers. Ahead of time, we already knew our limits and the things we especially enjoyed.

One thing I have never particularly enjoyed is vaginal penetration, so it isn’t something I engage in these days. I love clitoral stimulation as much as i love intellectual stimulation, but darlings, I need both. I am exceptional at fellatio and love it. See my story, How I Learned to Give Good Head. I used to enjoy D/s activities such as bondage and impact play, but when I was in ICU during my health crisis, I was intubated and restrained, so these days I am too claustrophobic to engage in bondage and I associate pain with my health crisis, so that’s out too.

These days what I am most excited by is stimulating and intelligent conversation with kindreds, about art, literature, relationships, society, politics and yes, sex.

A male friend of mine came to visit recently. Our relationship is platonic but we talk about sex regularly when he’s here, sharing stories, highs and lows, difficulties and joys. I am very grateful for this friend. To be honest, I’ve been avoiding the subject of sex these days for fear of causing disquiet and triggering bad experiences. It makes me sad that the world is full of toxic people. Sigh.

It was joyous to be able to talk openly about sex with a fellow celebrant.